Not a front for a secret organization.
Written by Rob Schultz (human).
Forgot your Valentines again? Normalwebsite to the rescue! I sent my zine subscribers these convenient emergency printable valentines this week. Have a trip over to this post for printable sizes and an aurebesh version, and impress that special someone today!
Now available on newsstands and to subscribers, issue 23 of Not Art. I fully expect an all-new continuity to rear its head in 2020, after months of experimental sizes and formats, but this month readers are taking another foray into Company Town. I couldn’t have predicted that, but not everyone knows what their psychic gift is.
Also not very available right now is the Not Art Annual 2020, these will not be available in the online shop or the lobby of your local comedy theater, because they’re a giveaway item for the LA Zine Fest. So I hope that Not Art is selected to appear in the fest this year. If it’s not, well, I’ll have to find somewhere else to get rid of them. Of course, beloved subscribers will be receiving a copy in the mail this month. I can’t mail them enough things.
If you need something good in your mailbox for a while, why not subscribe today? I still have a couple of sets left that allow you to start from the beginning, and get these issues two years from now!
and let’s leave last year far behind.
I’ve been playing with the truly remarkable AI Dungeon 2, a text adventure powered by a neural net (or something) that does its very best to roll with ANYTHING you have to offer, leaving you to do the same. These are my adventures!
This one is long, and not as funny as the others, but it is in no way any less The Damnedest Thing. I’ve been describing this game to people as playing a video game that follows dream logic. In the moment you think you know how you got somewhere, but it rarely makes sense, and it’s really really hard to describe a game to someone and have it sound interesting. I felt that this one took the dreaminess to a new level. I knew what “I” was supposed to be doing in the scene, but random things kept confounding me or distracting me. It’s like dreaming about being a superhero but somehow you never quite get around to flying anywhere.
SETTING: Custom Setup
Generating story...
You are a member of the Blue Man Group. You are on stage in front of a sold-out audience. You see the instrument made of PVC pipes here.
(I provided the above sentences as an opening prompt)
"Hey, I think you should play for us. We have been waiting all night to hear your music!" one of them says
> Hit the pipes with paddles
The next day, you are ready to go. The Blue Man Group is a group of people who love music and have no limits. You are going to be able to do whatever you want and they will not stop you. You decide that it would be best if you just start off slow
> Look at the audience
You see a lot of people in their underwear. Some of them are naked while others wear nothing but fishnets. There are also some women here, but they are dressed in revealing clothing. You notice that there are several men here as well, but most of them are wearing tight-fitting clothes
> Look at the other blue men
You see several blue men dressed in tight-fitting clothes. They all seem to be having fun and laughing. It seems like everyone here is having a good time. You don't know why, but you feel very comfortable here. You begin to wonder how many people are in this place
> Open up the gumball machine
You look around and see that the gumball machine has been opened up. You can see a bunch of people sitting on the floor playing with the gumballs. You think about how strange it is that you are here right now, but then you remember that you are here for a reason
> Show the marshmallows to the crowd
You take out a handful of marshmallows and put them into your mouth. You chew and swallow them quickly. Then you spit them out and put them back into the box. You continue to eat until you get tired
(So I did the whole bit alone? Okay, moving on.)
> Play the drums
You stand up and walk over to the drum set. You pick one of the sticks and begin to beat the drum. You play the drums for awhile and then you realize that you need to rest. You lay down on the ground and close your eyes
> Get up and choose an audience member to join the feast
You wake up and find yourself lying on the ground. You look around and see that you are in a small clearing. There is a large campfire burning nearby. A few people are gathered around it enjoying themselves. One of them is a woman wearing a tight-fitting dress
> Remember that I'm still on stage during the performance
(It may be futile, but I’m trying to steer)
You turn around and see that you are still on stage. You look around and see that you are surrounded by people. You try to figure out where you are, but you cannot tell anyone because you are afraid that they might think you are crazy. You begin to think about what you should do..
> Look to the other Blue Men
You look around and see that there are two more blue men here. They both seem to be having a great time. You can't say anything to them though since they are too busy having a good time. You decide that you'll stay here and enjoy yourselves
> Hit the giant drum with the giant mallet
You grab the giant drum with the giant mallet. You begin to swing the mallet around wildly
> feel the rhythm
You feel the rhythm. You hear the beat. You feel the energy. You feel the power. You feel the magic!
(Holy smokes, we’re getting somewhere!)
> Hit the giant drum!
You slam the mallet hard against the giant drum. You watch as the drum begins to shake violently. You watch as the giant drum starts to break apart. You watch as pieces fall off and fly through the air. You watch as the broken pieces hurtle towards the fire
(Oh no!)
> Look to the other blue men
You look around and see that there are two more blue men here. They both seem to be having a great time. You can't say anything to them though because they are too busy having a good time
> join them
You join the other blue man in dancing around the campfire. You dance around the fire together and soon enough, the entire camp is dancing around the fire.
You are so happy that you forget everything else
> when the song is on the group is one
You join everyone in dancing around the campfire. You dance around the fire together and soon enough, the entire camp is dancing around the fire. You are so happy that you forget everything else
> and when the song is done the group is gone
You look around and see that there are three people here. Two of them are holding hands and singing along to the song. The third person is standing alone looking bored
> dance with the bored person
You dance with the bored person. You smile and laugh with her. She smiles and laughs with you. Soon, the two of you are making sweet music together. You and she are dancing around the campfire together. You and she are making sweet music together
> launch streamers and confetti over the crowd
You look around and see that there are four people here. Three of them are holding hands and singing along to the song. The fourth person is standing alone looking bored
> wave goodbye
You wave goodbye to the group. You and she run away from the group. You run away from the group and then suddenly you are caught by surprise by a sudden gust of wind. You are blown away from the group and you crash into the ground
> go back to the stage for the encore
You look around and see that there are five people here. Four of them are holding hands and singing along to the song. The fifth person is standing alone looking bored
> play the paint drums
You play the paint drums. You play the drums. You and then you and the drumsticks. Then you and the drum. Then you and the drum. Then you and the drum. Then you and you and you and you the drum. Then you and you the drum
> then you and the drum
You then you and the drumsticks. Then you and the drum. Then you and the drum. Then you and the drumsticks. Then you and the drumsticks the drumsticks the drumsticks. Then you and the drumsticks. Then you and the drumsticks
> finish the song
You finish the song. You walk over to the front of the stage and sit down. You look around and see that there are six people here. Five of them are holding hands holding hands and singing along to the song
> I have won the game
You have won the game. You look around and see that there are seven people here. Six of them are holding hands holding hands and singing along to the song. The seventh person is standing alone looking bored
> wake up
You wake up. You look around and see that there are eight people here. Seven of them are holding hands holding hands and singing along to the song. The eighth person is standing alone looking bored
> how many people are here?
You count the number of people here. You count the people around you. You count the people behind you. You count the people in front of this tent. You count the people who are watching us. You count the people who are watching you. You count the people who are watching the show
> go to the next city and do the whole show again tomorrow
You go to the next city and do the whole show again tomorrow. You look around and see that there are nine people here. Eight of them are holding hands holding hands and singing along to the song
I’ve been playing with the truly remarkable AI Dungeon 2, a text adventure powered by a neural net (or something) that does its very best to roll with ANYTHING you have to offer, leaving you to do the same. These are my adventures!
SETTING: Apocalypse Courier
You are Kevin Costner, a courier trying to survive in a post apocalyptic world by scavenging among the ruins of what is left. You have a parcel of letters and a small pistol. It's a long and dangerous road from Boston to Charleston, but you're one of the only people who knows the roads well enough to get your parcel of letters there. You set out in the morning and hope that you can make it before nightfall
> Sit down and read all of the letters
The first letter is from your mother telling you she loves you and that she will be waiting for you at home. The second letter is from your father telling you he loves you and that he has been working on a new song for you
> Deliver letters to myself
You open up the first letter and find it's addressed to you. Opening it, you find that it's a simple note from your mother saying how much she loves you and how she'll wait for you at home
> put the letters in my mailbox
You walk into your house and see your mailbox. It's full of letters. You pick one up and read it. It reads:
Dear son,
I'm sorry I can't come visit you right now. I know how important this is to you
You go back to your mailbox and check the other letters. They're all addressed to you. You open them up and find they're all from your dad
> So I'm done, right? I delivered all of the letters?
You open up the last letter and read it. It says:
Dear son,
It seems like there isn't any way to get through to you. I've tried calling and texting but I don't think you got my number. I'm so sorry about this
> eat the letters
You rip open the envelope and start eating the letters inside. You feel sick and vomit all over yourself. You then throw up in the trashcan. You then realize that you haven't eaten anything since lunchtime yesterday
(Ah, got me again!)
> brush teeth
You wake up in the morning and decide to brush your teeth. You do so and notice that you still have some food in your fridge. You wonder if you should eat it or not.
> eat all of the food
You eat everything in your fridge except for the peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
You finish eating it and immediately feel nauseous again. You try to tell your mom about the situation but she doesn't believe you. She thinks you must have gotten lost and wandered off somewhere
> give sandwich to mom
You grab the sandwich and run outside to hand it to her. She looks disgusted with you and tells you to stop wasting food. You apologize profusely and say you'll never forget this day. You leave her house feeling better than ever
> give the food to a wizard
You head back to your house and find your dad sitting on his front porch. He smiles when he sees you and asks where you've been. You explain that you were lost and had to eat the sandwiches you found in your fridge
> say "Dad, I made you a sandwich"
You run up to him and hug him tightly. He hugs you back on the cheek before walking away. You feel great! You've finally overcome your fears and survived this ordeal. You're going to make it big!
> Become a famous country singer
You rush back to your room and start practicing your singing. You sing as loud as you can while you practice. You feel good! You feel like you can do anything now! You begin to think about how you can use this newfound confidence to conquer the world
> Move to Nashville and record a demo tape
You quickly pack up your things and head to Nashville. You arrive in Nashville and spend most of your time wandering around the city. You wander into an old church and try to pray to whatever god you believe in. You fail miserably
> sing a hymn with the choir
You continue to pray to whatever god you believed in until you feel a sudden pain in your chest. You collapse to the ground and die instantly. You're dead
YOU DIED. GAME OVER