I could be using my time productively, but I'm mentioning this next installment of Unacceptable as a service to you. The second thing you do is to read how it starts, which is with
“I’m not trying to be difficult, but this is unacceptable!” I shouted to Vanessa as I climbed down the ladder to the tarmac. She lit down the ladder after me with a remarkable grace. At least, I found it remarkable. At least, I’m remarking about it now.
“No one to blame but yourself, Colin,” said Vanessa. “New op? New cover. New country? New cover. Not interested in carrying around a complete set of encyclopedias? New cover. Rules to live by.”
The third thing you do is read the rest of it. The first thing you do is click the link to go to the page where the words are.
The fourth thing you do is write your own story, featuring only the characters and situations that appear in the above story or any others and SUBMIT it to The Higgs Weldon.
Remember last week when I pointed out how each installment of Unacceptable has been going back in time? Remember how in last week's story, someone talked about fighting ninjas in the past tense? Guess what happens this week!
“I’m not trying to be difficult, but this is unacceptable,” I shouted to Vanessa over the distinct, sharp sound of a hotel window shattering as a ninja is thrown through it.
“They comped your room. What more do you want?” said Vanessa. She blocked an incoming sword with the legs of a chair and then twisted, disarming her next opponent.
Read it!
SUBMIT a story of your own! The Higgs Weldon!
This week is part 9 of my 4-part series of fill-in pieces on The Higgs Weldon. Lately, we've been going back in time just slightly with each installment. And this week: we do it again!
“I’m not trying to be difficult, but this is unacceptable,” I said to my phone’s translator app. It beeped at me three times. It didn’t look like the Brazilian embassy’s armed guards spoke three beeps. I checked the settings. “Brazilian” wasn’t even available in the list of languages; this thing was no help.
I took a step back and looked the building up and down, hoping for a way in that didn’t involve making friends with or murdering these guards.
Come for the stuff about the guards, stay for the foreshadowing and hints of plot going both forwards and back, IN TIME ITSELF!
(Also, y'know, SUBMIT to The Higgs Weldon)
What's a fun espionage story without a crazy enemy agency? If you want to find out, you're going to have to stop reading Unacceptable at The Higgs Weldon, because this week we introduce TUSK!
“I’m not trying to be difficult, but this is unacceptable,” I muttered as I jammed a steak knife into the hand of the TUSK agent I used to think was Bill the waiter. I suppose his name might have been Bill, but he hadn’t been a particularly good waiter, or, as it turned out, a very good assassin. Why had he taken the time to read us such an extensive list of specials if he was just going to try to murder us before the main course?
“What was that, Colin?” said Albert as he shattered a glass blender over the head of a TUSK that had been our sommelier. He knew an awful lot about wine. It’d be a damn shame if any of it got knocked loose just because he also happened to be a member of the world’s most elite espionage organization named after part of a walrus.
The link to reading the story is on these words.
The link to SUBMITTING your own story is on these words!
Oh man, you are in luck. Season 7 of almost anything sucks, that's just a fact, but episode 7? Issue 7? High water marks of quality, all around! And Unacceptable on The Higgs Weldon is no exception. It's exceptional!
“I’m not trying to be difficult, but this is unacceptable,” I explained to the foreign national I was torturing.
“Yeargghh!” he said. I prodded at him with an electrical cable, although to be honest I was getting tired of it.
You've probably already clicked this because you're so excited to find out how the story turns out. Solid choice.
If you're incapable of reading because you've had a surgery that left you with the ability to write nothing but humor pieces of 1000 words or less, then SUBMIT one or two today!